About Me

I am struggling with a lot of things right now. Why am I the way I am? Why can't I be normal? I feel so down and depressed all the time. I don't feel like I am truly appreciated, wanted or needed. I feel neglected by those that I call family. The only one that I feel has truly been there for me is my best friend, Misty. She is like my sister. She has been there for me more than anyone has been. I just wish we lived closer together.

My own sister Natalie treats me like I am dog crap on the bottom of her shoe. She never calls me, asks how I am doing, acknowledged my children or shows any interest or concern for me or my family. It hurts. It has been bothering me for about a year now. I just don't understand why she is like that towards me. I want to discuss things with her but my dad is discouraging it. He thinks that it would be a bad idea. However, I want to get these thoughts and feelings off my chest. I really need to get things worked out one way or another. I mean, she speaks with Amy on the phone. She stated that she is coming here in about 3 weeks now but she will meet with me so that she "doesn't hurt my feelings". Gee thanks! I'm an afterthought. I never thought a sister would be this way. I definitely feel closer to my other sisters. I feel that Natalie has always been spoiled and only thinks of herself. She has never, ever tried to have a relationship or bond with me or my children. I don't understand why. What did I do to her to make her so hateful towards me? I'm still debating about what to do. I suppose I could send her a message and tell her how I feel but will she be receptive? Will she respond?

Then, I didn't even do anything to my cousin April and she said a whole bunch of derogatory things about me last summer. My Aunt Judy was having surgery and April posted it on facebook and I didn't see it for a few days. I had no idea what was going on. Then, next thing I know is that April, Tony and my Aunt have me blocked from their mySpace and facebooks. I didn't even do anything to them. She called me hurtful names and was just so rude towards me. I am hurt by this as well. Why do things like this always happen to me? I just don't understand it.

I have much more to write but I have to go switch loads. I'll be back later.