I am having a difficult time tonight. I don't know what is going on with me. All I know is that I have been feeling sick and depressed all day today. I didn't go to work today due to feeling light-headed, nauseous and just not quite right. Then, I feel the guilt of not going to work because it is unpaid and I know how much we need the money to pay for bills and such. I hate it that I am an Diabetic, obese and have a whole host of health issues. I hate the fact that I just turned 40. It sucks that I feel so horrible.
I feel like a failure in all facets of my life right now. My kids don't listen to me. They disrespect me. They don't do what they are supposed to do in school. I never dreamed that I'd have misbehaved kids. Joshua is especially naughty these days. He likes to tease, curse, disrespect me and just not listen to me.
My job is actually going pretty good, all things considered. I don't make a great wage but at least I have job stability. I have been at my job for over seventeen years. I have really good benefits and a pension plan. I am torn about what to do. I am not moving up in my company but part of it is because I haven't really exerted myself professionally to move up the corporate ladder.
I decided to go back to school to pursue Nursing. I ended up borrowing so much money that I am now way above my head in student loan debt. I am supposed to start the Nursing program in January. That will require me to go to part time at my job. I am not even sure my job will let me do it and furthermore, I don't even know if I can afford it. I am struggling with all of these difficult decisions.
All I want is a career that I can make a great wage and support my family and afford opportunities for my kids. Then, I find out that the starting wage in Nursing is pretty much what I am making now. That is very discouraging to me. I need to make double what I am making to have a better life for me and the kids. Plus, I can't borrow any more federal money so getting a BSN is out of the question unless I save up for it and create a college fund or use income taxes to continue with it. So, that is why I am very discouraged right now.
My kids are growing up so fast. It is depressing to me. I miss them being little. I just want to hold them, love them and keep them little forever. I know that isn't even possible and it makes me very sad. In less than ten years, my kids will be grown and most likely on their own. I am not getting any younger. It really sucks to get old.
So, here I sit on a Sunday evening, crying and feeling depressed about everything. I have a lot of thinking to do. The main thing is to go to school or not. There is a lot at stake.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
18 days to find a place to live.
So, still trying to find a place to live. I went to look at a townhome today. They don't have any available until July 31st. Also, it was somewhat small. I called other places today as well. 4 of them called me back. I am planning to look at a place tomorrow and hopefully others this week. I just have to find a place before July 20th. Court is on the 10th. Everything sucks right now. I just want someone to give us a chance.
I don't have any money saved up to move with. I don't even know what I am going to do. I get paid on the 15th but it won't be enough. I am going to need between a 1000 and 1500 to move on. Very stressful.
Why does this crap always have to happen to me? I just don't get it. I am so stressed! Just want this month to be done and over with. It is too stressful and overwhelming. We have 18 days to be out of here. I wish I had money to pay York Creek off plus the new place. However, I don't have all kinds of money to do that.
I don't have any money saved up to move with. I don't even know what I am going to do. I get paid on the 15th but it won't be enough. I am going to need between a 1000 and 1500 to move on. Very stressful.
Why does this crap always have to happen to me? I just don't get it. I am so stressed! Just want this month to be done and over with. It is too stressful and overwhelming. We have 18 days to be out of here. I wish I had money to pay York Creek off plus the new place. However, I don't have all kinds of money to do that.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Stress about moving
I am stressed to the max. Trying to find a place to live in less than three weeks will do that to you. I've looked at three places so far and have emailed at least 10 places. I just have to find a place. I am freaking out so bad. This past week was a bad week. Found out a lot of information that is quite upsetting to me. We go to court on July 10th and most likely will need to be out by July 20th. I have nowhere to go as we speak. I need to have a back up plan. All I know is that the apartment isn't even packed up yet. There is so much stuff. I don't even know where to begin. Kids are not helping the situation out either. I am glad that Mikayla will be going to camp for most of July. That will give me lots of time to get things organized. I just hate the fact that we have to move. I was quite content where we are at.
I pray to God that we can find a place. Nothing is worse than the stress of the unknown.
Well, that's about it for today. I just want this whole month to pass me by and that we find a safe place to move to.
I pray to God that we can find a place. Nothing is worse than the stress of the unknown.
Well, that's about it for today. I just want this whole month to pass me by and that we find a safe place to move to.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Kids last day of school pictures
This is Joshua on the 2nd to last day of school. He is going on to 3rd Grade in the Fall.
This is Mikayla during the last week of School. She is going on to 7th Grade in the Fall.
My Crazy Life
Right now I am facing many challenges in my life. Things are not going well and I need to write about these things so that I can unleash my pent up feelings.
First, I realize that all things will work out in the end. I know that God is in control and that He will never give me more than I can handle. With that said, I need to talk about what's bothering me.
The last couple of years has been a roller coaster ride. We have struggled as a family unit, financially and emotionally. I have been trying to work through my crises but it seems as though it's one thing after another. I have been trying to figure out what keeps going wrong in my life. I have a good job, I have a husband, 2 kids and my family. Most importantly, I have God. You'd think with all the great things that I have that I wouldn't have to struggle as I do. A year ago, Joe spoke of legally separating and going our separate ways. It has come up 3-4 times in the last year. None of us are happy. None of us seem to have a strong, family bond. We've had issues with our daughter, Mikayla. She started having suicidal thoughts and began cutting herself. We had to put her in a treatment plan to help her. She was dealing with bullying at school. We pulled her out of school for the last month. All of this on top of the financial burdens that we are faced with, Joe ended up losing his job.
The rent was paid through April 30, 2012. We were fortunate that I was able to pay it ahead 3 months. Joe had gallbladder surgery on April 7th and was out of work for 4 weeks for recovery. He went back to work for three days and then had issues with his back so had to be out again for about a week. Then, he was scheduled to go back to work that following Monday. However, that is when the issues with Mikayla came about. So, he was told that we both had to stay home with her to make sure she didn't self-harm. Well, that cost him his job. So, because of all the financial loss, we were unable to pay the full rent on May 1, 2012. I made partial payments in May and only had $120 left to pay for the month. I made a payment of $85 to help bring the balance down. Well, they tacked on a $50 late feel so that brought it up to $170.50. So, they say we still owe $85.50 for May. Then, because he was now out of work and I had missing time due to my FMLA, we came up short for June. I cancelled Mikayla's trip to Washington DC so I was able to get a partial refund. I was planning on paying $400 for the rest of May's rent and then part of June's rent. The other $300 I was going to pay off the other bills that I had.
Well, unfortunately two neighbor boys were playing with a lighter and caught the woods behind our building on fire. Josh was with them. The fire department came out and extinguished the fire. The next day I called the office to tell them about the fire, which they already knew about. They said that my file was on their desk for review. He said that because of the fire that we had to be out by July 31, 2012. He said that even before the fire occurred, they had already decided to non-renew our lease for poor payment history. He said that Josh was guilty by association and both households had to vacate the premises by the July 31st date.
Got the summons in the mail today. We have to go to court on July 10, 2012 for the financial side of it. We owe $1700, which includes the rest of May, all of June and July, plus court costs and late fees. Typically, you have ten days after the judgment is made to either move or they will formally evict you. Well, now I wonder if we have to be out by July 20th instead of July 31st. So, the stress mounts.
I have been checking the rental websites and am not having much luck. We have bad credit, poor rental history and are in severe financial distress. I really don't know what to think right now. My stomach has been in knots since all this happened on May 17th. I haven't been sleeping well, eating well or feeling any stress relief. So, today, I made a list of all of my stresses and some things we can try and do to fix the problem and possible solutions.
What we really need is for someone to give us a chance and work with us. It's going to be a long road, that's for sure.
Here is a list of my stresses (in no particular order):
Have to move by 7/20/12 or 7/31/12 (depends what court says)
Court July 10 for financial judgment
Come up with security deposit
Pay off 5 bad checks (probably about $500)
Pay $830 to DTE Energy from 4 years ago
Save money for rent
Owe $1700 for arrears in rent
Find place to live
Pack
Have a back up plan if can't find a place to live.
Changing schools for the kids
Possibility of staying in shelter/being homeless
Possibly get a storage unit to store our belongings in the event we cannot find a place to live.
Come up with money for moving truck.
Things I can do to help:
Call churches
Check Salvation Army
Call DHS for Emergency Housing Program
Ask family and friends for help
See what programs are available to me.
Some solutions:
Maybe stay with family or friends for a while until bad debts can be paid and then save money to get a new place once things are situated.
Find someone to work with us until we are back on our feet again.
Whatever happens, I want our family to stay together.
First, I realize that all things will work out in the end. I know that God is in control and that He will never give me more than I can handle. With that said, I need to talk about what's bothering me.
The last couple of years has been a roller coaster ride. We have struggled as a family unit, financially and emotionally. I have been trying to work through my crises but it seems as though it's one thing after another. I have been trying to figure out what keeps going wrong in my life. I have a good job, I have a husband, 2 kids and my family. Most importantly, I have God. You'd think with all the great things that I have that I wouldn't have to struggle as I do. A year ago, Joe spoke of legally separating and going our separate ways. It has come up 3-4 times in the last year. None of us are happy. None of us seem to have a strong, family bond. We've had issues with our daughter, Mikayla. She started having suicidal thoughts and began cutting herself. We had to put her in a treatment plan to help her. She was dealing with bullying at school. We pulled her out of school for the last month. All of this on top of the financial burdens that we are faced with, Joe ended up losing his job.
The rent was paid through April 30, 2012. We were fortunate that I was able to pay it ahead 3 months. Joe had gallbladder surgery on April 7th and was out of work for 4 weeks for recovery. He went back to work for three days and then had issues with his back so had to be out again for about a week. Then, he was scheduled to go back to work that following Monday. However, that is when the issues with Mikayla came about. So, he was told that we both had to stay home with her to make sure she didn't self-harm. Well, that cost him his job. So, because of all the financial loss, we were unable to pay the full rent on May 1, 2012. I made partial payments in May and only had $120 left to pay for the month. I made a payment of $85 to help bring the balance down. Well, they tacked on a $50 late feel so that brought it up to $170.50. So, they say we still owe $85.50 for May. Then, because he was now out of work and I had missing time due to my FMLA, we came up short for June. I cancelled Mikayla's trip to Washington DC so I was able to get a partial refund. I was planning on paying $400 for the rest of May's rent and then part of June's rent. The other $300 I was going to pay off the other bills that I had.
Well, unfortunately two neighbor boys were playing with a lighter and caught the woods behind our building on fire. Josh was with them. The fire department came out and extinguished the fire. The next day I called the office to tell them about the fire, which they already knew about. They said that my file was on their desk for review. He said that because of the fire that we had to be out by July 31, 2012. He said that even before the fire occurred, they had already decided to non-renew our lease for poor payment history. He said that Josh was guilty by association and both households had to vacate the premises by the July 31st date.
Got the summons in the mail today. We have to go to court on July 10, 2012 for the financial side of it. We owe $1700, which includes the rest of May, all of June and July, plus court costs and late fees. Typically, you have ten days after the judgment is made to either move or they will formally evict you. Well, now I wonder if we have to be out by July 20th instead of July 31st. So, the stress mounts.
I have been checking the rental websites and am not having much luck. We have bad credit, poor rental history and are in severe financial distress. I really don't know what to think right now. My stomach has been in knots since all this happened on May 17th. I haven't been sleeping well, eating well or feeling any stress relief. So, today, I made a list of all of my stresses and some things we can try and do to fix the problem and possible solutions.
What we really need is for someone to give us a chance and work with us. It's going to be a long road, that's for sure.
Here is a list of my stresses (in no particular order):
Have to move by 7/20/12 or 7/31/12 (depends what court says)
Court July 10 for financial judgment
Come up with security deposit
Pay off 5 bad checks (probably about $500)
Pay $830 to DTE Energy from 4 years ago
Save money for rent
Owe $1700 for arrears in rent
Find place to live
Pack
Have a back up plan if can't find a place to live.
Changing schools for the kids
Possibility of staying in shelter/being homeless
Possibly get a storage unit to store our belongings in the event we cannot find a place to live.
Come up with money for moving truck.
Things I can do to help:
Call churches
Check Salvation Army
Call DHS for Emergency Housing Program
Ask family and friends for help
See what programs are available to me.
Some solutions:
Maybe stay with family or friends for a while until bad debts can be paid and then save money to get a new place once things are situated.
Find someone to work with us until we are back on our feet again.
Whatever happens, I want our family to stay together.
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